The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
