Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
