you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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