Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
