we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
