Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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