just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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