If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
