upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
