There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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