Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
