Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
