Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
