im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
