Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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