2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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