dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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