so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
