I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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