Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
