so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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