my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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