She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
