Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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