I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
