I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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