Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
