Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
