belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Life is so much better after having sex.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
