Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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