R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
