ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
