I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How does it feel to date your dad?
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