I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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