Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
