You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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