I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
