I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize