I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
