The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
