I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
