i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
