me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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