we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
