the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
