When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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