Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
