She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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