Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
