Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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