Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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