just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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