i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
