We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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