areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
another moral hangover. fuck.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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