we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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