It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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