Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
