Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
