the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize