she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
