It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
