I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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