wrigley field is MILF paradise
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
