I'll bet she douches with gravy.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
