and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
