I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize