i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
