I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
