What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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