So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
