lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
