You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
