And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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