He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize