he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
