you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
