What a fucking waste of an outfit
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
