My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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