Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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