I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We have started to decorate penises.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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