I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So much rum. So many feels.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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