Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
