shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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