I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
