Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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