sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
