And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
then he tried to convert me to islam
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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