yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
