so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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