She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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