i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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