Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just high enough for therapy.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dick very happy bro
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
