i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
