Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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