Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
